


Out of Reach

by textbookone



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 03:00:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2372024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/textbookone/pseuds/textbookone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Its easier to say the things we've bottled up for so long when we don't have to look someone in the eye. For Emma, all the things she wanted to say to Neal were easier to say to a headstone now than when he was alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of Reach

I met your dad. The Wicked Witch, her spell worked. Sort of. I went back in time, back to the Enchanted Forest and I needed his help. I get why you left now. I wish you could have been there with me. I bet you would have gotten a kick out of all of it. Bet we wouldn’t have messed up the timeline then…

I could have brought you back. Your father should have been able to do something, gotten rid of the damn key, planned ahead, I don’t know, something complicated and magical that you would have completely objected to, but at least then you’d still be here. But I told him not to. I made him forget…

You were right Neal. You were always right. You know you’ve had home when you lose it. I thought we were going to find home, find our Tallahassee, but then you were gone, and maybe I didn’t feel it as badly because I wanted to hate you so much, but it was there. That was our home. Then I almost lost my mother and then I got it. I really really got it. This is home. My family is home. Wherever they are is home.

I think I’m going to spend my life learning the lessons you taught me. I never knew how you got so deep, so wise about life, but I get it now. I never really got that you were as messed up as I was, you always covered so well. Always had that stupid grin. Made it always seem like things weren’t as bad as they were. You made it easy to hope that things could be different, so easy to just hope. And then you left and you took the hope with you and I didn’t get it back until Henry.

He has your hope, it’s not mine. Sometimes the kid just glows with it and all I can see is you, telling me things will get better, that we’re not always going to be stealing and sleeping in cars. That you’d get us somewhere better, that I was meant for more, even when I would slug you in the arm and laugh at you for being cheesy.

It hurts to look at him sometimes, you know, Henry. He looks more like you than me, acts like it too. I’m sorry I wouldn’t let you see him. If I had known… if I had known… If I had known we only had hours I would have done it all differently. I’m sorry… I just… I just keep making mistakes and even when it seems like there might be a way to fix things I’m always so afraid of making it all worse. I wish I could fix the bad stuff, but keep all the good… Pick and choose what parts of life suck and which are worth living through…

There’s never going to be another you. Never another stolen stolen car. Never another person who just gets it. I’m going to spend the rest of my life wondering what if, and knowing there could have been a way, wondering if it would have worked if I’d let your father try…

I used to think that the idea of an afterlife was stupid, what lonely people told themselves, but after everything we’ve been through it would be the least crazy thing I’ve heard. Maybe you really are somewhere watching us? Maybe I’m not crazy for talking to a headstone like some movie cliche. Maybe you really can hear me somewhere? Or maybe it’s stupid and this is all just to make myself feel better…

I wish I could have said some of this stuff to your face, that it wasn’t so much easier now that you’re gone. I’m sorry Neal… For all of it, even the stuff that was neither of our faults. Maybe in another life we’ll finally get it right…

I miss you…


End file.
